Hey there! Welcome back to another episode of Wealth Unplugged.
This week, I bring you some great tips on business and navigating the connection between money, sex and power from my Feminine Wealth TV interview with renowned sex and relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein.
Takeaway #1 – Let go of the ‘should be’ curse
We always look at society’s norms and take that as our guide to mold our being. We take on that norm to mold ourselves into something that we are not. The only thing that we need to do is figure out what we want to do, who we want to be and where we want to be. The only person that we SHOULD BE is the person we WANT to be.
In relation to business/success, we should take on the risk to do what we want and not just pursue the career that we are good at. Just because you are good at something, doesn’t mean you ‘should’ do it. Passion is very important! When you are passionate about what you are doing, the more likely you are to be successful because you LOVE what you do and not because it is what you SHOULD do.
Takeaway #2 – Sell them what they want then give them what they need !
In business we often try to sell something that we know our clients need. The problem is that what people need and what they want can be totally different things!
Just like a mum who hides green veggies inside of chocolate so her kids get what they need disguised as something they want, you as a business owner need to think about how you cleverly package up what your clients need into something they want and will buy !
Takeaway #3 – Money, sex and power are energetically interlinked.
For women the concepts of money, sex and power have always been very masculine concepts. We tend to shy away from talking about them or admitting that we are a little put off by them. Interestingly each of these ‘energies’ come from the root chakra energy center in the body. After centuries of men dominating these areas are women less open in this particular chakra and how does that affect our ability to lead and to embrace these strong energies.
Intro: Want to know what successful people are doing with their money to create wealth, and use it consciously for the greater good? Welcome back to Wealth Unplugged, the weekly podcast that gives you Diamond Tips on creating conscious wealth from change makers, world shakers, and wealth creators. Now here is your host, Barbara Turley.
Barbara Turley: Hi there, and welcome back to welcome Wealth Unplugged for another week. You’re very welcome to this the show, where I give you my key take-outs from the guests that I’ve been interviewing on my Feminine Wealth TV Show. Which is basically a show where I get the Diamond Tips on creating truly conscious wealth from entrepreneurs, investors, and philanthropists out there. It’s a really interesting show, and we get some amazing, amazing women on this show that give us the how-to. Every week in this podcast, I try and give you my key take-outs from the show, and the things that you can implement straight away to try and increase your wealth, your success, and your general well-being in life.
We’ve had a bit of a break for a few weeks actually, because I was away. Then, we had a couple of issues with scheduling the show. It’s great to be back on the podcast, and giving you some good tips this week again. This week on the show, I have a very interesting one, actually. I had a Sexologist on the show, and you’re probably wondering, why would I get a Sexologist on the show? Well, the reason being is because I’ve been looking at this whole money, sex, power kind of connection over the last few months. I met an Energy Healer a few months ago, who told me that the second chakra, or the root chakra, is where money, sex, and power kind of come together in that particular area of the body.
I thought, “Wow, what an interesting topic,” and I really wanted to delve into it further. I found an amazing woman called Dr. Nikki Goldstein. Now Dr. Nikki Goldstein, she is obviously … she’s a Sexologist, she’s an expert in the whole Sex and Relationships area. She came up through this by first of all becoming a Counselor, and then she moved into mediation when couples are going through divorce. Then, that sort of fueled her interest even more to sort of say, “Well how about I try and get to people before they get to that point where they’re actually getting divorced?” It’s I guess quite a negative space to be in when you’re doing mediation in that area.
It pushed her to go to San Francisco, and she found this course, and she did a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. Very, very interesting woman to talk to, and just inspiring on this whole area. We got into this whole jam session around money, and sex, and power, and it was a fascinating talk. To get onto my key take-outs from Nikki, one thing she said in the beginning of the interview was … we all suffer in society unfortunately from what she calls the “Should Be Curse.” We’re all trying to fit into a mold that potentially wasn’t meant for us. She sees this with people with sexuality, where we’re all trying to figure out what is normal. What’s the norm? We all want to know who’s having sex five times a week, or five orgasms a night, or is that right for us?
Maybe, we should sort of stop and think about what we really want. What we really want as human beings away from everything else. Away from religion, from society, from the “Should Be” thing. What we should be doing. I see this a lot with money as well, because we all … everyone’s chasing the millionaire status. Everybody wants to be a millionaire. Everybody feels like they should be successful, they should have the big, amazing career. Sometimes, what we should have and what we actually want can be polar opposites, and can be very, very far away from each other. I actually experienced this in my own career before, where in my last job … it was an interesting one, because I was also a shareholder in the business, but I was an employee as well.
I came to the point where I sort of accepted that I wanted to launch my own business, and that business today is called Energise Wealth. When I went to tell my peers and my colleagues that I was going to leave and set up my own business, the resounding response I got was, “But you’re so good at it. You’re so good at your job. Why would you leave?” What was amazing for me was, I thought, “Well if I’m that good at something that I’m not that passionate about, how good would I be at something that I actually am passionate about? Just because I’m good at something doesn’t mean that I should continue doing it.”
I guess that’s my thing for today. I want you to say to yourself, “Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean it’s what you should be doing.” It doesn’t mean that you can’t dream to do something else, because if you do something you’re more passionate about, you will actually excel at that. For me … and I guess Nikki sees the same thing. She saw people who ended up marrying someone they thought they should be with, or living a life they thought they should be having based on their upbringing. Then they end up locked up in this kind of unhappy, unfulfilled state, and they end up in divorce. The cracks start to appear in relationships, in their finances, in their health, in everywhere.
This “Should Be Curse” that we’re all suffering in society, we should be getting rid of this curse, because it’s actually destroying this human potential that we have to reach the heights that we all know that we can. Stop shooting all over the place, and start dreaming really, really big about what you really, really want, and not what you should want. Then, we started talking about Nikki’s job. She actually appears quite a lot on the media. She’s on television here in Australia, she’s been in multiple magazines. She’s all over the place, and she’s been great with the PR thing. I said to her, “How do you get your message out in the most fulfilling way?”
What she said she sort of suffers from sometimes is … The magazines and stuff, they always want to have the articles like “The 10 Tips to Have the Most Mind-blowing Sex,” or “How to Give the Most Amazing Blow Job,” and stuff like this. I asked her whether this is getting away from the core of what she really wants her message to be. We got onto this topic, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, it’s this whole thing of sell them what they want, then give them what they need. I’ve said this before, because sometimes you have to package things in a way that sells. You have to position stuff so that you get people in the door. Then once you have them in the door, then you can actually start to give them what they actually need.
Now a lady called Marie Forleo did this extremely well in the U.S., where she had a book. The book was called Make Every Man Want You, and that book became a New York Times Bestselling Book. The interesting thing about the book was once you got inside the book, it was actually a personal development book on improving yourself. Not anything about men, or really the dating scene, or anything like that. It was about being the best version of yourself. The reason people bought the book was because the title was very catchy. We were talking about this whole thing, where I said, “It’s a bit like parents trying to get veggies into their kids. You kind of have to get the broccoli dipped into chocolate before your children are going to eat it.”
Sometimes in our businesses, I really want you to think about this, in our businesses … or with anything to do with persuasion. You need to think about not what you know that person needs, your customer, even your kids or your spouse, you’ve actually got to sell them something that they want. Then after that, you can plant in there what they need in order to get the result that they want. Nikki does this extremely well, where she’s got all the fizzy topics about sex, and the cool kind of funky stuff. Then when she gets serious all of a sudden and starts talking about the real issues, she is a wealth of knowledge on this whole area of Human Relationships and Human Sexuality, and how it affects us. It affects our health, it affects our lives, our children.
I definitely took a few key things away from that, and thought, “With this money thing as well, I’ve got to think about … ” I know that in order to achieve some of the things we want in life, we have to get money working for us. Often as women in particular, we shy away from this discussion about money, because we feel conflicted in our values. We feel like money is somehow in conflict with our deepest soul calling. I guess for me, I’ve got to sell to you ladies out there listening, I’ve got to sell you this concept that in order to create the freedom that you want, in order to give back to society the way you want to, in order to actually live those values and that soul calling, you need to get money working for you. I need to talk about all those other things first. Sell them what they want, and then give them what they need. Key tip number two.
Then, my third key take-out I guess from Nikki, it was an interesting one. We finally got into this whole topic, which was the area I really wanted to touch on. Which was the connection between money, sex, and power. I actually didn’t know how this was going to go, so it was a sort of a … I didn’t know whether it was going to be a flailing-around-in-the dark type conversation, or a really concrete discussion. It turned out to be quite a concrete discussion, and Nikki had some really strong thoughts and ideas on this, which I agreed with. She said basically … I guess over generations, and over the life of humans or whatever as women, society has sort of taken a stance with women.
This is a gross generalization that’s probably more a 50s-style take, but by not educating women on money or sex, we actually take away their power. Our power, I should say. I’m a woman, too. If you think about that for a second, as women, when we were originally … years and years of generations back, when sex was kind of a male thing, and women were just there to sort of procreate, and sex was just purely to procreate. It sort of protected the family. It stopped women from leaving. If women were not sexually matured or developed, then they would sort of never want for anything more, and that would keep the family table. Similarly with money. This is kind of a problem today, where a lot of women are financially disempowered because they don’t control their own money, or they don’t control the money of the family.
Sometimes, women end up in toxic relationships, or very bad situations and they can’t leave, because they are disempowered financially. This whole area of money, sex, and power, it is a fascinating topic. I want you to really think about, are you getting your power taken away financially? It might not be in your own relationship, it might just be in your upbringing. It could be in how you’re thinking about money. You might be taking your own power away by actually giving it away, and abdicating your responsibility for your own financial life. Where we see this happen a lot is particularly in divorce situations, or situations where your spouse has died. The male partner has passed away, and women are left with often large amounts of money, and big financial decisions to make.
What ends up happening is they go out looking for a trusted advisor, someone who can help them, because they don’t have the power to do it themselves. They end up giving their power away, sometimes to sharks and salesman, who talk up a great game, but they’re really not the people that you should be going to. The stats are quite high on the number of women who end up losing a lot of money after the death of a spouse or a divorce, because they end up giving their power away to someone that they trusted, and they didn’t understand what they were doing. I guess my whole philosophy is to try to empower women to be able to lead their own wealth. To be able to … not necessarily not need advisors, because I’m always an advocate of trusted advisers. Knowing enough so that you’re empowered to ask the right questions.
To have those advisers on your team, but you’re leading that team, and not the other way around. I’d urge you to really think about this. As women, I think we need to, not step into the more masculine realms, but we need to sort of feminize these concepts of money, sex, and power. Realize that as women, we don’t have to become men of women in order to embrace these areas, and to develop this part of ourselves. We just need to understand that we can be feminine, we can remain in our feminine energy, and still develop these areas that have traditionally been more masculine. I’ll leave you on that strong and interesting point, I think, for this week. As always, if you find this show entertaining, or you find it useful, I’d really love if you’d share it with some of your friends.
Also, if you could leave a review. If you’re on iTunes, you can leave a review and a rating. That would help the show get out to way more people, and it would be really beneficial to me. Be sure to leave a review, or if you have any comments, hop on over and join the conversation over on energisewealth.com. Where we can have a chat about this podcast, and you can check out the full interview with Dr. Nikki Goldstein on the Feminine Wealth TV Show. Okay, so I’ll leave you there for this week. I’ll be back next week, where I’m going to be taking some really key take-outs actually from my guest this week, Cecilia Robinson, who is the group CEO of My Food Bag. This woman is dynamite. She’s 29-nine years old, and she’s already in the stratosphere. You don’t want to miss that one. I’ll see you next week.
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